Sunday, June 28, 2015

HBO Afternoon Classics "The Gate"

   Welcome back to a rainy day edition of HBO Afternoon Classics. This week gonna jumo into the horror arena, not horror comedy mind you but regular ole monsters and demons with the underrated but still very good......


   Just when you think life in the suburbs couldn't get worse......well we all know how its gonna go. Instead of pedophiles and Kevin Spacey being source of our terror now we get mini demons living under a tree.
No not these guys

   This movie also has the distinction of introducing the world to a young Stephen Dorff, he made his movie debut here and depending on your opinions of his acting skill he's been terrorizing us ever since.

I suppose there's a similarity there

   So what is this movie about anyway. Well its your typical story of a gate to hell located under a tree that's all. So Stephen Dorff plays Glen, your typical 80's middle class kid, who has an older sister named Al with annoying friends and a weirdo friend Terry who is into both geology and satanic records. Straight out of John Hughes this set-up. Anyway the night after a storm/nightmare the tree in the families backyard is struck by lighting and falls down. Glen awakens to the sound of workers in his backyard removing the very tree that was struck in his dreams.

Smoke is normal from a hole in the ground right?

 Once they're done Terry and Glen go to the backyard and uncover a Geode just below the dirt surface, the boys retrieve it but not without Glen getting a splinter and bleeding onto the area the tree was so you just know thats gonna end well. Anyway once inside Glen and Al's parents decide to leave for the weekend and leave Al in charge, this bein the 80's of course the first thing she does is decide to throw a party.

Talk about timeless fashion

   So with Al and her friends throwing a party downstairs Glen and Terry decide to open up the Geode they found in the backyard. Once open the contents spill onto a sheet of paper and spell out some kind of incantation. These being kids and obviously not that smart they decide to say it aloud (Note to everyone out there, NEVER read words that appear out of nowhere cuz it never ends well) and from then on literally hell breaks loose. During a sleepover Glen sees his walls seemingly stretch while Terry sees a ghost of his dead mother, which turns out to actually be the dead family dog. This obviously freaks out Terry who remembers a heavy metal album he has at home (obviously he'd have it and obviously random metal bands all have ancient satanic knowledge) that might as be well called exposition cuz it lays out all we need to know about the coming demons.

Ozzy ain't got nothing on Sacrifye

   Anyway after listening to the record backwards for the secrets (remember this is the 80's so every metal album had a hidden backwards meaning) the boys decide they should be safe as long as noone puts a sacrifice in the hole for the "old ones".....which is exactly what Al does by throwing the dog down there instead of taking it to the SPCA or whatever you do with them. There's a mall to go to people!! This completes the summoning and releases the evil which first appears as a bunch of foot tall minions intent of dragging you down the hole to release their master.

What the "Real Housewives" look like without make-up

   So this being a horror movie i'm not gonna spoil every surprise, i mean the point of these blogs is to get ya to go watch them ya know. But suffice it to say all kinds of supernatural happenings occur and our main cast gets picked off one by one until we're down to just Glen. Realizing that all the means for the big bad ancient one to be released have been met Glen realizes its down to him to save the world.....

Dont worry, Stephens got this

   
   "The Gate" is an example of the numerous reasons stop motion and practical effects will always be better then CGI. Yes you can tell how the effects are done and yes they don't look seamless but they add to the aesthetic of the movie in a weird way. Also how imagination and creature design can go a long way to taking what could be a ridiculous concept and make it work. Its the kind of plot that if you think about it too long the whole thing falls apart (How did they not find this hole when they were building the house in the first place?) but because of the pacing and the constant stream and variety of monster effects you never have a chance to think about it. This being the an 80's movie the unique mix of terror and cheese give this movie a more light feel then it should at times considering this is a movie where faces get ripped off and numerous children are killed.

Eye see you need a hand

   Even more impressive is what they accomplished on a nothing budget. This movie was made for $2.5 million and grossed $14 at the theatres. It even lead to a sequel "The Gate 2" which was horrible but still was an attempt to launch a franchise. There was even talk of a 3D remake in 2010 but that hasn't happened as to date. So do yourself a favor and check out "The Gate" as soon as you can, as a matter of fact just click the link below and your on your way.



Sunday, June 7, 2015

HBO Afternoon Classics **Krull**

   Welcome back one and all for another edition of "HBO Afternoon Classics". This week we're goin got a movie who's obscurity is somehow also just as high as its trivia value. So what could that be? Well i'm talking about the 80's fantasy classic......



   Yep your eyes are not deceiving you, this week my HBO classic recommendation is "Krull". Coming out during the 80's post-Conan sword-and-sandal boom this movie stands as one of the more memorable entries into a very overcrowded market. This movie retains a firm spot on the top rung of b-movie cheese right alongside the likes of "The Beastmaster",  "Willow" and "Dragonslayer". But lets not get ahead of ourselves here cuz honestly this movie is known for one real reason, its the movie debut of none other then Liam Neeson....

Who's this handsome Irish Devil?

   Also to a much lesser extent its also the movie debut of one Robbie Coltrane.....


Yep thats the same dude

   Yep go figure one random movie gives us both Oscar Schindler and Hagrid but that's the 80's for ya, It was a magical time indeed. Another fun fact is that at the time of its release "Krull" was one of the biggest budget movies of its kind ever, with a price tag of somewhere between $40-$50 million dollars, and thats in 1980's money. Now that money isn't wasted as the movie does look great and the 10 huge sets that were built for it are put to great effect, not to mention effects that while look dated now could have been alot worse. Course the big problem they ran into is noone really went to see it as the box office totals for it are around $16 million dollars. The movie has gained quite the cult following which is why i'm bringing it to you today.

   So what is this movie about? Well its a fantasy movie so its about saving a princess of course. The story centers around Colwyn (Ken Marshall) who on his wedding day to Princess Lyssa (Lysette Anthony) has his bride stolen by a group of "Slayers" who invade his castle, kill most of his guard and family, and proceed to take Lyssa to their master "The Beast". A huge being who lives in a fortress which changes its location everyday and is never in the same place twice. As you can imagine that makes saving the princess even more complicated then usual.

I mean who wouldn't want a piece of this?

   So after recovering from the attack, and after some motivation in prophecy form from The Old One Colwyn sets out to retrieve the mystical weapon "The Glaive" and use it to defeat "The Beast" and save his bride. Thereby giving us one of the most memorable special weapons in movie history.

I mean who wouldn't want to throw this thing around?

   Course no matter how badass a weapon may be its hard to defeat an evil an evil army all by yourself. This leads Corwyn to recruit a motley crue of thieves, young wizards and a cyclops that can see the future but only for his own death. Sure not the best looking lineup but beggars cant be choosers

Besides this duo what else do you need?

   So off we go on an adventure to save the princess. Now obviously finding a castle that changes and never repeats locations daily can prove quite the challenge so along the way have to make a quick stop at a seer, who of course has a history with one of the fellowship members, and is guarded by an crystal spider. In another wonderful use of stop-motion we get some tense spider dodging as one of the members rushes to deliver the location news before his life literally falls through his finger, oh the symbolism indeed.

Shelob? We dont need no stinking Shelob

   So now with the location figured out its time to "Storm the castle" as it were and our motley crew of adventurers arrives just in time before the castle disappears and moves again and they won't be able to find it again. Course attacking an ancient beings castle head on isn't exactly the smartest battle plan and a whole bunch of our guys die in the assault, including unfortunately both of our now uber-famous stars....

He won in the end so its all good

   So anyway after defeating the Beast and retrieving his lovely bride, and the Metroid style beat the clock exit we get our happy ending and even more then that we actually get more survivors then just the two leads, a HUGE rarity in fantasy movies of the time as usually you're a goner if you're not a lead. Altogether it may seem like a cookie cutter story and movie, in some ways it is there's no denying that, the movie as a whole is a glorious example of aiming for the stars. A kind of originality that is sadly lacking today when movies are afraid to try all new things. This movie went for it in terms of not only world building but also by embracing the cheesy elements in it and making them seem natural in this world. A Cyclops, glass spiders, horses with flaming hooves and storm trooper-esqe soldiers trying to kill our heroes the entire way all fit together naturally and add a sense of danger/wonder you'd be hard pressed to find today in an entirely original movie. Give it a shot, turn your brain off and enjoy "Krull" in all its glorious fantasy 80'sness. Included below is a link to free streaming copy so go ahead and jump on in